Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
