I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
