I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
