if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
