I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
