he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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