i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
