I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize