Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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