2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
