hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
