just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
