absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
