Sry I called you an 8
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
