Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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