I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
