my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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