I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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