If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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