the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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