Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize