just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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