so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
