I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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