Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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