Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
