Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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