I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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