Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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