I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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