Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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