Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I AM VODKA MAN
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
