I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
