my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
