Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
