I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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