New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
please don't ironically join a cult
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