but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
