Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize