I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize