Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
