Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
