I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Found your dick twin last night
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
