im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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