we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
