i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
