If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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