Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize