yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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