I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
