Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My bed is full of blood and feathers
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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