i need an iv and a liver transplant
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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