stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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