Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
