I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
