make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
