I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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