Three words: puerto rican gang bang
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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