Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
