I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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