she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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