I didn't shave. On purpose
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize