All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
