Will you blow on my dice?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
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