your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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