Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Drunk is not a location!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
