Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
