Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
