I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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