i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dick very happy bro
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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