weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
